


Last Christmas

by Niallsnuts4harry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 12:42:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2773382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niallsnuts4harry/pseuds/Niallsnuts4harry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every year, no matter what happened, Harry and Niall spent Christmas together - but this year, one of them's gone and the one left behind doesn't know what Christmas means anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [louiscontroll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/louiscontroll/gifts).



> Hi camila_cabeyogurt,  
> Okay so I genuinely hope that I didnt completely butcher this for you. Let me just say that the ending is definitely heavy and sad. The way that I had interpreted the prompt, I couldn't see myself writing it with a generic happy ending. I believe it still ends on a note where some of the characters are content, and hopefully you will be content too. 
> 
> Merry Christmas!

Harry groaned at the sound of his phone blaring off. He glanced at the clock near his bed. 9:10 am. He sighed and pressed the phone to his ear.

“Hello,” He groaned.

“Merry Christmas!” He heard collectively.

Harry swallowed the urge to throw his phone at the wall.

“Mom?” He questioned.

“Hi Haz, are you coming over today?” She asked eagerly. Harry felt a twinge in his chest at the excitement in her voice.

“No, I think I’m going to stay in.”

He heard her sigh, “Harry, Honey listen I understand that you are sti-”

“Look, I have to go,” Harry hung up. He rolls over, staring at the vacant side of the bed. His hands caress the pillow that would mold into the shape of the blonde boys head. He turned to the empty bedside table; his ears were ringing with the silence that filled the room. His head clouded with the thought of the morning kisses that used to wake him up.

* * *

 

Last Christmas

_Niall raced up the stairs, tray of food in hand. Two cups of hot chocolate, six layers of peppermint pancakes, with eggnog whipped cream. Niall always over did it with the Christmas themed food. He placed the tray on the side table next to Harry’s head. He rushes to pull his phone, turning on Harry’s favorite Christmas playlist._

**_Last Christmas I gave you my heart_ **

**_But the very next day, you gave it away_ **

_Niall quickly lights the pumpkin scented candle on the tray and glances around the room. He smiled in anticipation from the joy he would bring to his love. He prepared to pounce._

_“Wake up Haz, It’s Christmas!” Niall exclaimed as he jumped on to Harry’s body. Harry’s arms instinctively curled around Niall and pressed him closer. Niall tried to suppress the shudder that was threatening to run across his body by being this close to Harry._

_“Merry Christmas,” Harry smiled lightly. A grin broke across Niall’s face at the sound of his voice._

_“Merry Christmas,” Niall said and placed his lips onto Harry’s gently._

 

Harry felt a tugging in his chest as his head filled with the memory.  He quickly stands and heads to the bathroom. He eyes meet the person that is staring at him in the mirror. His hair matted, his face pale, his lips a dull shade of pink, the bags under his eyes deep and purple, this person bore no resemblance to him. Yet he moved at the same time Harry did, blinked whenever Harry blinked. The person in the mirror looked repugnant and spiritless. Harry realized that was him, he looked exactly how he felt. Harry turned the faucet on and threw water on his face, in a poor attempt to wake himself from the nightmare, to be able to turn around and Niall’s round face would be filled with the pancakes he made. But when Harry turned around the room was empty and gloomy. Harry took a deep breath and made his way down stairs. The pictures of him and Niall still covered the wall. Harry doesn’t have the heart to tear them down. His eyes ran over every inch of his living room, landing on the vacant area where the Christmas tree should be.

* * *

 

_‘Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, duh duh dum,’ Niall sang out softly, strumming his guitar, as he watched as Harry attempted to secure the tree in the living room._

_“You know what would be really helpful, Ni, is if you could bring some assistance,” Harry told Niall as he tried to stop the tree from tipping over, again._

_“Okay, the tree is a little lopsided Harry,” Niall smirked tauntingly at Harry. Harry couldn’t help it as his lips curled up in a giant grin. He watched intensely as Niall returned to playing the guitar. Harry loved hearing the sweet sound of Niall singing to him that nothing else mattered, until the tree began to tip again, and he struggled to keep it from falling._

_“Niall I meant with your hands,” Harry told him urgently. Niall glanced up and saw his boyfriend in distress. He placed the guitar down and helped Harry steady and secure the tree to the ground. Niall smiled at Harry and wrapped his arms around his waist._

_“We know how good I am with my hands,” Niall told Harry as he proceeded to glide his fingers down Harry’s back. Harry shivered and pushed Niall away._

_“Now you have to help me decorate it,” Harry told him and pointed to the box of ornaments._

_“But don’t I get a reward for saving my damsel in distress,” Niall pouted. Harry chuckled softly and pressed his lips against Niall’s in a soft caress._

_“You’ll get more when we finish,” Harry said._

Harry jumped at the sound of his door opening. He turned quickly, his heart filling with unnecessary hope, but instead of being facing his rosy cheeked blond, he was staring at his sister.

“Oh it’s you,” Harry grumbled as he plopped on the couch.

“Where’s the excitement Scrooge?” Gemma asked rhetorically. “Mom tells me you’re not coming to ours today,”

“I’m not,” Harry responded.

“Harry, we haven’t seen since Ni- since the accident. How do you think he would feel knowing you’re neglecting everyone and acting like your life is over? Niall wouldn’t-” Gemma started.

Harry jumped up at the mention of Niall’s name.

“No one knows what Niall wants, No one knows what Niall feels, he isn’t here!” He bellows. “HE can’t feel anything, but I can. Where is the sense Gem, I’m here and he isn’t. What’s the point of this stupid holiday without him?”

“Harry this holiday is meant for you to receive comfort from those who love you,” Gemma explains.

Harry continues as if she hadn’t said anything, “You know, it should have been me,” He tells her.

“Harry what are you talking about,” She reaches over to grab his hands but he shrugs away.

_Niall chuckled drunkenly, “Haz, I can’t wait to get your clothes off.” He yelled over the music. Harry threw Niall a large party for his 23 rd birthday. Harry smiled at Niall and pulled him close._

_“Me neither,” Harry whispered in his ear. Niall grinned and tugged Harry off of the dance floor._

_“Let’s go home right now,” Niall burped. He may have had five drinks too many._

_“Okay, Niall let me get our coats, you wait in the car,” Harry told him and rushed off. When he returned to the car, Niall was already seated, with his feet on the dashboard, halfway asleep._

_Harry shook his head and started the car. Harry put on his seatbelt, forgetting to look over and seeing if Niall did the same. Harry was elated as he drove to their house, he couldn’t wait to finally be alone with Niall on his birthday. He took a quick glance towards the sleeping boy, laying peacefully, and smiled. As his eyes veered back to the road, Harry was struck with the site of a semi heading their direction, he tried to make a fast swerve, but his car collided with a tree._

“I looked over at him for two seconds Gemma, two seconds, and my whole world ended.” Harry gasped. “As soon as the car hit the tree it went out in flames, I opened my door and fell out. I thought Niall had done the same until I heard his agonizing screams,” He paused and closed his eyes. Gemma wanted to reach out and pull her brother close; she had never heard this story in so much detail.

Harry took a deep breath and continued, “I rushed over to his side, and his feet were protruding from the windshield. I tried to pull him out, but his yells intensified. I called emergency, but they weren’t quick enough. . . His screams had died out before they got there.” He voice felt detached, like he was being brought back to that very moment. It wasn’t until Gemma wrapped her arms around him that he came back to reality. His body heaved with heavy sobs as she squeezed him tighter.

“I-I, nobody knew Harry. I’m so sorry,” She choked out, tears falling from her face as well.

“It’s my entire fault, I didn’t try hard enough. It should have been me,” Harry told her, jumping off the couch. “He looked so peaceful lying in that seat; he didn’t know that I had just ruined everything. That’s the image of him I try to keep in my head. But when they were finally able to pull him out of the car, he was mutilated so badly, I didn’t know who he was. That is what haunts me in my mind every night. He gave me everything, and now I am left with nothing.” Harry breathed.

“No Haz, you have me, you have mom. We love you,” She pleaded with him. “How do you think Niall would feel right now if the roles had been reversed? He would have kept trudging thro-”

But Harry tuned her out. He knows exactly how Niall would feel if he was here instead. Harry knows Niall wouldn’t feel any better, he’d feel the same.

“Gemma, I need to be alone. I have some things to think about,” Harry told her, but he didn’t feel connected to himself. He seemed to be floating to someplace else.

“Harry I don’t think you should be alone right now, I’m gonna stay here,” Gemma told him.

“Please Gem, I need to be alone. I have some things to think about,” He repeated in the same dead detached tone.

She stared at him, unconvinced to leave, but sighed, “Fine, but I will be back in an hour, and you will be going to mom’s,” She told him sternly.

He nodded quickly, clearly dismissing her. As soon as she walked out the door, a switch flicked in Harry’s mind. Suddenly all he could see was red. Harry began ripping every picture of him and Niall off of the wall. He raced up stairs to his room and smashed the land on his side table. He wanted to destroy everything; he wanted the room to be a representation of how he felt. He threw the mattress off of the box spring and froze.

On top of the box spring was a small black velour box. Harry opened it, the fire that was burning in him quickly dying out. Inside were a large engagement ring, and a small folded piece of paper. Harry stared at the ring, not willing to believe that it was real, that it was meant for him. He pulled it out and slid it on his finger. It fit perfectly. He reached for the paper and unfolded it. On it was what appeared to be some sort of rough copy, some places scratched out and re written, in Niall’s loopy handwriting.

_You don’t know how hard it’s been keeping this a secret from you, you are always so nosy. But I did it, because the surprise on your cute face speaks all I needed to know. Traditionally people get on one knee to do this, but you know my knees are as good a sixty year old woman. So Harry Edward Styles, I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you seven years ago. We were kids, yet you still managed to stay by my side this entire time. Through everything we put each other through. And I want to spend the rest of my life knowing that you will be my Mr. Horan. I love you immensely too much, and I can’t bear to live another day without you, Will you marry me?_

The note slid out of his hand and onto the ground. _I can’t bear to live another day without you._ The note had read. Harry’s mind was whirling. This was what Harry had been searching for all along. This was the answer to what Niall would have felt if the roles were switched. Harry remembered how Niall kept telling him this Christmas was going to be special. Suddenly the ring felt heavy on Harry’s hand.

Harry was meant to be Mr. Horan. Mr. Horan! He and Niall were going to be married, and have a family. Niall wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. Now Niall can’t, neither of them can.

Harry bends down and grabs the note and the box and places them on the mattress. He turns the radio on, and chuckles at the irony as Wham!’s Last Christmas encompasses the room. He searches the room for paper and pen and constructs a note of his own.

**_This year to save me from tears_ **

**_I’ll give it to someone special_ **

He knew now that this had been the only solution all along; he could always live with Niall. He grins as he reads and rereads the letter. He knew his family was stronger than he was, and that they had someone to lean on his absence. Harry knew that they would never feel alone. He grabbed his phone and dialed his mom.

“Hi Harry,” She answered on the first ring.

“Merry Christmas mom, I love you and Gemma.” He told her carefully.

He could feel the change in her voice, “Are you coming then?” She asked intently.

“I’ll be there where it counts,” He smiled into the receiver.

Misunderstanding she yelped happily into the phone, “Great, well I’m going to make your favorite candied yams, bye Haz. See you soon,” She told him.

“Bye mom,” and he hung up.

* * *

 

**Last Christmas I gave you my heart**

**30 minutes later**

The radio was the only sound left in the room. The boy’s feet dangling above the two letters and the empty box.

**1 hour later**

Gemma raced through the house, yelling for Harry as she took in the sight of his damaged living room. Her throat constricted upon entering his room, taking in the sight. She glanced at the ring on the boy’s finger, she snorted at the sudden realization. She glanced at the letter at his feet, making out the words ‘couldn’t live without each other,’ and then she broke down.

**4 hours later**

The radio was still playing softly in the house. His body had long been removed as well as the box and letters. The room was still left in shambles.

 

* * *

 

“Breaking News, witnesses say they have seen ambulances and police cars outside of the famous boy band member, Harry Styles. Could this be the end to another direction?”

“Harry Styles commits suicide in his home,”

“Harry Styles Allegedly left a note for his deceased boyfriend, claiming that he ‘couldn’t bear living another day without him’.”

“Inside sources say that Harry was left in a dry place ever since band member and boyfriend Niall Horan died in that unfortunate car crash a few months earlier.”

“Fans gather around the Styles and Horan house hold in a memorial,”

“Family members and the other One Direction members have yet to comment,”

“Our hearts all with the Styles’ family this holiday season,”

 

 

 


End file.
